Welcome to my blog
So this is a place I rant and rave, wear my heart on my sleeve, gush on my family, and most importantly share my art...the photo stories of wonderful couples and people I cross paths with. Don't be afraid to bookmark it, or leave a comment. I love hearing from everyone and anyone. Check back frequently...I will try to keep you updated.
Twitter
So I am a single mom suddenly. Of three kids, that are four and under, to be exact. Bill left for Afghanistan about a week ago and will be gone until October. His absence is obvious everywhere. I can't imagine losing a spouse. I don't know how I could go on...I bury my face in his clothes that are still in the laundry room...because I don't want to wash his smell out of my life right now. I touch all the silly stuff that has collected on his dresser. I look through the stacks of Jegs and his high rider and truck magazines...and wonder honestly why there are barely dressed women hanging on most of the vehicles when most of these are "how to" articles.
I never knew what it meant to have three kids, or to be alone with three kids. I have my sister here to help, thank the sweet Lord Jesus, but she has a social life and a part time job. Every moment is busy, from wiping booties to changing diapers to answering questions about why Jesus had to die on the cross. I don't know how Army wives do it, when their husbands leave for 18 months or longer. I am in awe of them and their tenacity.
This year so many things have become clear to me. I love my business, like live and breathe it. Like have to remember to put my family first most days because I can get overwhelmed by it all and up to my eyeballs in it all. ...everywhere I look I see pictures and light and how it falls and how I would place a subject if this were a portrait, not just my backyard or whatever. I also love my kids, like can't-believe-a-girl like me-got-super-great-kids-and-the sweetest, kindest, sincerest, most gorgeous and charming husband- when-I-was such a crazy and rebellious person, up until I met him. I don't think you can even use dashes and commas like that, but this is my blog and I don't really care, I am writing sort of phonetically or how I would talk...
So if you see where I am going with this, sometimes my life is a huge conflict of interests. I want to be super duper successful and over the top with it all...but at the same time I want to be this mom that like makes everything from scratch and fill my children with life lessons and knowledge and uses everyday to paint and color and learn and count...etc.
Will all that being said...this year I am doing an organic garden, with chicken poo and earthworms and tons and tons of stuff that I will probably totally mess up, but it will be a messy fun adventure as we mess it up...
I am going to try to balance my passion with my life and vice versa. Oh wow this has new year's resolution written all over it...
I want to travel a little more, enjoy family a little more and dig down and shoot some of the best darned pictures that I can. I promise to pour myself into your sessions, into your weddings and into your albums...this year I want to shock myself with my own creativity. I want to shoot every wedding like it was my own, or what I wish my own would have been. I want to pray more, live more, be more, cook more, shoot more, enjoy more, hug more, laugh more, watch more chick flicks, get to know my children more, my sister more, my neighbors more...learn to ride a riding mower, learn to compost like a fool...big year ahead. I want to argue about politics more...okay the last one is a complete fabrication. That is one thing I am going to none of, you heard it here! I will watch the news less and pray more, if I do anything.
Here are photos from an overnighter we just had this week with my sweet Beth, which we really needed! She always captures my children in such a beautiful way. Our children say they think they are siblings from another mother, and they are right. I love you Beth!
I never knew what it meant to have three kids, or to be alone with three kids. I have my sister here to help, thank the sweet Lord Jesus, but she has a social life and a part time job. Every moment is busy, from wiping booties to changing diapers to answering questions about why Jesus had to die on the cross. I don't know how Army wives do it, when their husbands leave for 18 months or longer. I am in awe of them and their tenacity.
This year so many things have become clear to me. I love my business, like live and breathe it. Like have to remember to put my family first most days because I can get overwhelmed by it all and up to my eyeballs in it all. ...everywhere I look I see pictures and light and how it falls and how I would place a subject if this were a portrait, not just my backyard or whatever. I also love my kids, like can't-believe-a-girl like me-got-super-great-kids-and-the sweetest, kindest, sincerest, most gorgeous and charming husband- when-I-was such a crazy and rebellious person, up until I met him. I don't think you can even use dashes and commas like that, but this is my blog and I don't really care, I am writing sort of phonetically or how I would talk...
So if you see where I am going with this, sometimes my life is a huge conflict of interests. I want to be super duper successful and over the top with it all...but at the same time I want to be this mom that like makes everything from scratch and fill my children with life lessons and knowledge and uses everyday to paint and color and learn and count...etc.
Will all that being said...this year I am doing an organic garden, with chicken poo and earthworms and tons and tons of stuff that I will probably totally mess up, but it will be a messy fun adventure as we mess it up...
I am going to try to balance my passion with my life and vice versa. Oh wow this has new year's resolution written all over it...
I want to travel a little more, enjoy family a little more and dig down and shoot some of the best darned pictures that I can. I promise to pour myself into your sessions, into your weddings and into your albums...this year I want to shock myself with my own creativity. I want to shoot every wedding like it was my own, or what I wish my own would have been. I want to pray more, live more, be more, cook more, shoot more, enjoy more, hug more, laugh more, watch more chick flicks, get to know my children more, my sister more, my neighbors more...learn to ride a riding mower, learn to compost like a fool...big year ahead. I want to argue about politics more...okay the last one is a complete fabrication. That is one thing I am going to none of, you heard it here! I will watch the news less and pray more, if I do anything.
Here are photos from an overnighter we just had this week with my sweet Beth, which we really needed! She always captures my children in such a beautiful way. Our children say they think they are siblings from another mother, and they are right. I love you Beth!
Trackbacks
Listed below are links to blogs that reference this entry:
being a single mom
. TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.ashleybrokop.com/darkroom/mt/mt-tb.cgi/86
Comments
Ashley, I was wondering if Bill left already, the separation is tough but I can't even begin to imagine how it must be with 3 beautiful kids. God works in mysterious (and awesome) ways and Shane and I are in the same place in Baghdad, I will email you with more info. In the meantime, hang in there girl, you're doing awesome!!!
(04.04.10 @ 04:39 AM)Ashley, you inspire me. :-) You're an amazing mom, wife... and absolutely phenomenal photographer. :-) Hang in there. Enjoy this... your rebellious years may just help you out right now. You learned how to do things your own way... and now you can near-perfect those qualities! :-)
(04.04.10 @ 11:19 AM)I have absolute NO idea what you must be going through... but I can only imagine. I barely know you, but you are an incredible person from the outside! I love reading about all of the candid moments in your life and respect you so much for being so REAL! Take care and love on those absolute adorable kids of yours! Wish you the very best!
(04.05.10 @ 09:48 AM)thank you for everybody that read this. I was sort of just venting and putting out there how I felt right now. So many times you have no idea what people feel about hard situations in their life...and so here is how I feel. I appreciate all the support and encouragement, I really do. God is Good!!!
(04.08.10 @ 09:32 AM)