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A continuation of another blog post from a few weeks ago. I had quite a few people comment or email me about this, so I will keep talking if you are listening. I was just sharing a list of situations when I was fearful and what transpired. After all is said and done I will probably sound like a super huge wienie, but "it is what it is" ;)
2) Survival Schools
Ground:
I went to three survival schools. Not one, not two but three. Sorry but for a girl that doesn't do a lot of camping, this was a stretch. All I ever wanted in the world was the photograph and to travel and to have my photography take me to unique destinations. Well in the military one of the easiest ways for this to happen is to get your wings or to become an aerial photographer. This is not as easy as it seems as you have to pass flying tests and get through the squadron's flying program. You have to learn about bailing out and altitude conditions, the on-board oxygen systems (you need this above 10k feet) and the aircraft you will be flying on. The list goes on and on...but that is the basics. You have to maintain a certain amount of hours each month, get flights scheduled etc. ALSO you have to go through survival schools. The first is in Washington state and is about 14 days of outdoor survival and the mental survival stuff which gets you prepared in case you are ever captured. It is called SERE school which stands for Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape. Just thinking about it makes my heart pound a little harder. Has like everyone I know done it, yes. But for me it was a huge fear that I was not totally ready for, but made it through. We had to drink water out of a sludgy pond and clean it with these tablets that I am surprised didn't like give my children antlers or something. We had to build a camp on the ground and sleep under the stars. You maybe thinking, that sounds fantastic, but it was cold, and there were moose everywhere (they are nasty, aggressive beasts). I was in a group with a TACP and he says I spooned him...how you can spoon in your own individual sleeping bag is news to me, but I was freezing. In these situations you always find yourself like the only woman. There was one other girl, but she was about as boyish as any girl can be. I loved her company, but let's just say no one in my flight packed a hair dryer but me.
Water:
The second survival school was water survival and simulates in-flight over water emergency...in Florida. I hate heights, like hate them. Not like Eiffel tower heights, but like "hey strap yourself to the back of this barge-like boat and lets us surprise you and drop you in the ocean kind of heights. It is actually probably a fear of falling. The course includes a deep water landing, and a one to two hour raft familiarization exercise. I have no idea how long we were out there, but being alone with just a raft to inflate (by mouth) in dark, freezing cold water, was a crazy experience I will never forget. There were things bobbing and hitting my feet and I was trying to get to my "happy place" where the water was clear and the beach was just out of sight. I know there were jellyfish all around, and it just added to that realistic survival aspect that made it something that stuck with me. Again, not a girl in my class if I remember correctly.
Arctic:
The last survival was arctic survival...deep breath. I hate the cold, more than dark water, and more than falling or heights. I especially hate the cold where you take a breath and your snot freezes your nostrils shut. Where your camera will not work because it is 50 below zero. Where you get in trouble because you sit so close to the fire your boots catch on fire and totally melt- cold. We had to venture out into the frozen wilderness and set traps. I hate to admit this but I didn't try to hard because skinning a rabbit isn't really my thing, ESPECIALLY when you can't feel your hands. (I just want to say really quick that I don't want to sound negative...these experiences were such an amazing part of my life that helped me grow and get out of myself and really test myself and push myself to that limit. I am merely remembering some of this with a little sarcasm but also with respect for the airframe and what I went through to finally be considered crew. I loved combat camera and will always remember it with high regard and respect)
I went through arctic two weeks before Bill and I got married. It was one of the things that got me through it I think. The excitement of being a bride and finally being united with Billy. We were living apart for so long, and I was so happy to be marrying my prince ;)
There was one girl in my arctic class. I only remember she hated me, like literally hated me. You know when you can just sense that. I don't know her name, barely remember her face. But that was not a highlight.
Pooping in a hole when it is 50 below is something I will never forget...trying not to pee on your gloves or your gear...I will never forget when the guys yelled "come see the northern lights" and I said no, because I couldn't leave the fire. It was cold...the coldest I have ever been in my life and I am from ILLINOIS!!!
We had to build a small igloo out of packed snow and sleep in it the first night!!! The second night you sleep in a group shelter and someone hadn't closed the snow door tight enough and our breath started to line the inside of the structure with ice. I was so scared we would die in our sleep!! A few of the pilots snored so loud...makes trying to sleep with a newborn baby easy!!!
Flying:
All these things lead to what might seem like a silly thing, but I really feared throwing up during flight in front of the world-renowned photojournalist that were training me. I don't get car sick or air sick, but darn it, I was really worried about getting sick on the C-17!! I found that eating a bagel, while not "South Beach diet" approved, will totally ease your stomach's desire to do somersaults.
Just to be clear, this isn't your average flight or plane. The seats face the center, the cabin isn't pressurized like you find on US Airways or Delta, the inside is more like a tin can than a 1st class cabin. There are only two tiny windows so you lose your frame of reference really easily. Sometimes if you are really lucky you could ride upstairs in the flight deck (the cockpit- not supposed to use this term anymore because of the first four letters, somebody was offended- ridiculous).
Also this isn't your average smooth-relaxing flight. Some of these pilots appeared to forget how to land and we would slam into the ground only to hear they were going to try again and again till they got it right. This is training after-all and some were guard and reservists and we all needed hours, so you take what you can get and darnit most of my flights were made up of hours and hours of "touch and go's" where you would just pray for it all to end.
It is all worth it when you are in a place like Iraq or Afghanistan and you need a ride home and all you have to do is show your papers and you get on no questions asked. Also you could get into places and out of places that other ground photographers could not. I loved flying and miss it. When I see the C-17s in Charleston I feel proud and excited and love to watch them fly over. I miss the smells on-board and loved wearing a flight suit. Oh the good old days ;)
2) Survival Schools
Ground:
I went to three survival schools. Not one, not two but three. Sorry but for a girl that doesn't do a lot of camping, this was a stretch. All I ever wanted in the world was the photograph and to travel and to have my photography take me to unique destinations. Well in the military one of the easiest ways for this to happen is to get your wings or to become an aerial photographer. This is not as easy as it seems as you have to pass flying tests and get through the squadron's flying program. You have to learn about bailing out and altitude conditions, the on-board oxygen systems (you need this above 10k feet) and the aircraft you will be flying on. The list goes on and on...but that is the basics. You have to maintain a certain amount of hours each month, get flights scheduled etc. ALSO you have to go through survival schools. The first is in Washington state and is about 14 days of outdoor survival and the mental survival stuff which gets you prepared in case you are ever captured. It is called SERE school which stands for Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape. Just thinking about it makes my heart pound a little harder. Has like everyone I know done it, yes. But for me it was a huge fear that I was not totally ready for, but made it through. We had to drink water out of a sludgy pond and clean it with these tablets that I am surprised didn't like give my children antlers or something. We had to build a camp on the ground and sleep under the stars. You maybe thinking, that sounds fantastic, but it was cold, and there were moose everywhere (they are nasty, aggressive beasts). I was in a group with a TACP and he says I spooned him...how you can spoon in your own individual sleeping bag is news to me, but I was freezing. In these situations you always find yourself like the only woman. There was one other girl, but she was about as boyish as any girl can be. I loved her company, but let's just say no one in my flight packed a hair dryer but me.
Water:
The second survival school was water survival and simulates in-flight over water emergency...in Florida. I hate heights, like hate them. Not like Eiffel tower heights, but like "hey strap yourself to the back of this barge-like boat and lets us surprise you and drop you in the ocean kind of heights. It is actually probably a fear of falling. The course includes a deep water landing, and a one to two hour raft familiarization exercise. I have no idea how long we were out there, but being alone with just a raft to inflate (by mouth) in dark, freezing cold water, was a crazy experience I will never forget. There were things bobbing and hitting my feet and I was trying to get to my "happy place" where the water was clear and the beach was just out of sight. I know there were jellyfish all around, and it just added to that realistic survival aspect that made it something that stuck with me. Again, not a girl in my class if I remember correctly.
Arctic:
The last survival was arctic survival...deep breath. I hate the cold, more than dark water, and more than falling or heights. I especially hate the cold where you take a breath and your snot freezes your nostrils shut. Where your camera will not work because it is 50 below zero. Where you get in trouble because you sit so close to the fire your boots catch on fire and totally melt- cold. We had to venture out into the frozen wilderness and set traps. I hate to admit this but I didn't try to hard because skinning a rabbit isn't really my thing, ESPECIALLY when you can't feel your hands. (I just want to say really quick that I don't want to sound negative...these experiences were such an amazing part of my life that helped me grow and get out of myself and really test myself and push myself to that limit. I am merely remembering some of this with a little sarcasm but also with respect for the airframe and what I went through to finally be considered crew. I loved combat camera and will always remember it with high regard and respect)
I went through arctic two weeks before Bill and I got married. It was one of the things that got me through it I think. The excitement of being a bride and finally being united with Billy. We were living apart for so long, and I was so happy to be marrying my prince ;)
There was one girl in my arctic class. I only remember she hated me, like literally hated me. You know when you can just sense that. I don't know her name, barely remember her face. But that was not a highlight.
Pooping in a hole when it is 50 below is something I will never forget...trying not to pee on your gloves or your gear...I will never forget when the guys yelled "come see the northern lights" and I said no, because I couldn't leave the fire. It was cold...the coldest I have ever been in my life and I am from ILLINOIS!!!
We had to build a small igloo out of packed snow and sleep in it the first night!!! The second night you sleep in a group shelter and someone hadn't closed the snow door tight enough and our breath started to line the inside of the structure with ice. I was so scared we would die in our sleep!! A few of the pilots snored so loud...makes trying to sleep with a newborn baby easy!!!
Flying:
All these things lead to what might seem like a silly thing, but I really feared throwing up during flight in front of the world-renowned photojournalist that were training me. I don't get car sick or air sick, but darn it, I was really worried about getting sick on the C-17!! I found that eating a bagel, while not "South Beach diet" approved, will totally ease your stomach's desire to do somersaults.
Just to be clear, this isn't your average flight or plane. The seats face the center, the cabin isn't pressurized like you find on US Airways or Delta, the inside is more like a tin can than a 1st class cabin. There are only two tiny windows so you lose your frame of reference really easily. Sometimes if you are really lucky you could ride upstairs in the flight deck (the cockpit- not supposed to use this term anymore because of the first four letters, somebody was offended- ridiculous).
Also this isn't your average smooth-relaxing flight. Some of these pilots appeared to forget how to land and we would slam into the ground only to hear they were going to try again and again till they got it right. This is training after-all and some were guard and reservists and we all needed hours, so you take what you can get and darnit most of my flights were made up of hours and hours of "touch and go's" where you would just pray for it all to end.
It is all worth it when you are in a place like Iraq or Afghanistan and you need a ride home and all you have to do is show your papers and you get on no questions asked. Also you could get into places and out of places that other ground photographers could not. I loved flying and miss it. When I see the C-17s in Charleston I feel proud and excited and love to watch them fly over. I miss the smells on-board and loved wearing a flight suit. Oh the good old days ;)
USAF photo by the one, the only Myles Cullen
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