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So this is a place I rant and rave, wear my heart on my sleeve, gush on my family, and most importantly share my art...the photo stories of wonderful couples and people I cross paths with. Don't be afraid to bookmark it, or leave a comment. I love hearing from everyone and anyone. Check back frequently...I will try to keep you updated.
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My dad called yesterday around lunchtime letting me know that my grandpa had a stroke.
He was making him breakfast and waiting for him to get up and my dad said he just couldn't. He was saying his right arm was not working and my dad called an ambulance. He died this morning at 3:30.
He has been on dialysis for quite some time now...years and years. His quality of life hasn't been great, but my dad has taken really great care of him. (He almost lost an eye roofing his house if you remember that blog post.)
This situation brought a wave of memories and emotions for me. I remember how hard he hugged me and how he smiled when he did it. I remember how happy he was to see me, and how genuine his happiness was. I remember his fingers and hands and how incredibly white his hair was. I don't remember seeing him without a flannel shirt on, and some suspenders. How he held his cell phone. When I would call he would hold the phone in a way that he pressed the phone against his cheek and could never really hear what I said. I always thought it was funny and just hoped he could hear a little of our conversations. I remember his love of motorcycles. He had an Indian back in the day. He ran his own gas staion years ago..."Center 66" (Center is my maiden name and route 66) was what it was called. I have pens laying around with the logo on them. I remember talking to him about his "diet" for dialysis. He mentioned that all he could have was "meat and beer" no fruit or veggies. I think he was just trying to make me laugh a little, cause he had a great sense of humor. The way he spoke sounded like Jimmy Stewart, which made me smile too. I now know that that similarity will be something I can recall when I want to remember him. I remember how excited he would get when my dad made horseshoes or lasagna. I remember his cigars, he loved his cigars! When I was little, during any of our family gatherings well it was the 80's...everybody smoked in the 80's. The house would be warm...like super oven warm, heater running warm...and everybody would be in the kitchen/dining room talking and smoking. Me and my brother Richie would be playing in the family room making circles with our hands to cut the smokey air. We would laugh and laugh...
What I remember most was what a sweet and genuine man my Grandpa was. I loved his laugh,his smile, and his hugs...and will really miss him.
It pains me that my kids won't know him better, that I didn't ask him EVERYTHING before he passed, that he never met Abby, that I didn't talk to him yesterday...but I am so happy that he doesn't have to do dialysis one more day or be cold for one more winter.
I will miss you Grandpa, but I am so glad I took/have this picture of you!
He was making him breakfast and waiting for him to get up and my dad said he just couldn't. He was saying his right arm was not working and my dad called an ambulance. He died this morning at 3:30.
He has been on dialysis for quite some time now...years and years. His quality of life hasn't been great, but my dad has taken really great care of him. (He almost lost an eye roofing his house if you remember that blog post.)
This situation brought a wave of memories and emotions for me. I remember how hard he hugged me and how he smiled when he did it. I remember how happy he was to see me, and how genuine his happiness was. I remember his fingers and hands and how incredibly white his hair was. I don't remember seeing him without a flannel shirt on, and some suspenders. How he held his cell phone. When I would call he would hold the phone in a way that he pressed the phone against his cheek and could never really hear what I said. I always thought it was funny and just hoped he could hear a little of our conversations. I remember his love of motorcycles. He had an Indian back in the day. He ran his own gas staion years ago..."Center 66" (Center is my maiden name and route 66) was what it was called. I have pens laying around with the logo on them. I remember talking to him about his "diet" for dialysis. He mentioned that all he could have was "meat and beer" no fruit or veggies. I think he was just trying to make me laugh a little, cause he had a great sense of humor. The way he spoke sounded like Jimmy Stewart, which made me smile too. I now know that that similarity will be something I can recall when I want to remember him. I remember how excited he would get when my dad made horseshoes or lasagna. I remember his cigars, he loved his cigars! When I was little, during any of our family gatherings well it was the 80's...everybody smoked in the 80's. The house would be warm...like super oven warm, heater running warm...and everybody would be in the kitchen/dining room talking and smoking. Me and my brother Richie would be playing in the family room making circles with our hands to cut the smokey air. We would laugh and laugh...
What I remember most was what a sweet and genuine man my Grandpa was. I loved his laugh,his smile, and his hugs...and will really miss him.
It pains me that my kids won't know him better, that I didn't ask him EVERYTHING before he passed, that he never met Abby, that I didn't talk to him yesterday...but I am so happy that he doesn't have to do dialysis one more day or be cold for one more winter.
I will miss you Grandpa, but I am so glad I took/have this picture of you!
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grandpa cecil
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I have decided to include more posts about what goes thru my mind and my thoughts etc I promise they won't go political, but spiritual is a promise I cannot make. I know this won't interest most...but they will scroll past anyway. I have really been thinking about relationships and how they can be so much richer if we just know more about each other...so here goes.
Emily and I were talking this morning about being a Christian /cussing/ and the wall that so many Christians put between themselves and the world by using words like jeepers, and golly, and gosh darn it, etc. I find myself resorting to cliche' silly phrases because I live with two toddling parrots that say anything and everything that comes out of any mouth they hear. Wesley said "booty call" the other day. I was like WHAT!!! At least he has no idea what that means...thank heavens! But there is a fine line between being vulgar with language and sounding "Magoo", and alienating people by our super safe and silly vocabulary. Does this make sense or sound crazy?? Just something to think about. Where do I fit in. I don't want to throw around "f bombs" just to be down...but sometimes only certain words get the story straight or get your point across- not necessarily "f" but "d" I am quite fond of, unfortunately. hmmm.
So the wedding season picks up again.
There is always a general lag during the summer for me. I enjoy the time off to spend it with the kids and to soak up some sun. This year was especially perfect being so pregnant for the summer.
I've shot two weddings since Abby came into my life and have sessions out the eyeballs until like, new year's day!
I am so blessed and thankful and ready to get creative, dirty and really take things to another level. I want to know my clients better, I want to see thru new eyes...I want to find light and exploit it. A super-human photographer once told me (I am apologizing now...but it just can't be said any better way) "Light is your B!tch." That was an "ah ha" moment for me. He was so right. There are beautiful situations which are created by...beautiful people, beautiful venues, and beautiful lighting. If you get all three then you are golden...but more times than not I have gray, overcast, hazy, or rainy weather and the light that is available is flat and rather boring and well...gray. So flash is my bff and i use it all time. It is a love/ hate relationship which I am constantly trying to perfect..hmmm sounds like marriage. ha! jk.
Emily and I were talking this morning about being a Christian /cussing/ and the wall that so many Christians put between themselves and the world by using words like jeepers, and golly, and gosh darn it, etc. I find myself resorting to cliche' silly phrases because I live with two toddling parrots that say anything and everything that comes out of any mouth they hear. Wesley said "booty call" the other day. I was like WHAT!!! At least he has no idea what that means...thank heavens! But there is a fine line between being vulgar with language and sounding "Magoo", and alienating people by our super safe and silly vocabulary. Does this make sense or sound crazy?? Just something to think about. Where do I fit in. I don't want to throw around "f bombs" just to be down...but sometimes only certain words get the story straight or get your point across- not necessarily "f" but "d" I am quite fond of, unfortunately. hmmm.
So the wedding season picks up again.
There is always a general lag during the summer for me. I enjoy the time off to spend it with the kids and to soak up some sun. This year was especially perfect being so pregnant for the summer.
I've shot two weddings since Abby came into my life and have sessions out the eyeballs until like, new year's day!
I am so blessed and thankful and ready to get creative, dirty and really take things to another level. I want to know my clients better, I want to see thru new eyes...I want to find light and exploit it. A super-human photographer once told me (I am apologizing now...but it just can't be said any better way) "Light is your B!tch." That was an "ah ha" moment for me. He was so right. There are beautiful situations which are created by...beautiful people, beautiful venues, and beautiful lighting. If you get all three then you are golden...but more times than not I have gray, overcast, hazy, or rainy weather and the light that is available is flat and rather boring and well...gray. So flash is my bff and i use it all time. It is a love/ hate relationship which I am constantly trying to perfect..hmmm sounds like marriage. ha! jk.
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jeepers, a mouthfull
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So my beautiful baby finally made an appearance. Thanks to a little help from the good people at Tuomey Hospital Labor and Delivery. I opted for an induction on the 18th of August after my appointment on the 17th showed that I was 3-4cm dilated, +2, and 50% effaced. I was over it...sad as that sounds. But the baby was sooooo low and moving around was painful..everything had become painful. When the doctor checks you and laughs about how low she is...it is time.
I wish I could say I waited for God...I do, but with modern medicine it was really nice to know when it would happen, have my kiddos taken care of and my bags packed etc.
I hate surprises, dont' know if I have ever mentioned that on here...but I do. Be it Christmas, or birthdays or whatever, I just don't get into being surprised. I want to know the sex of my baby as soon as they can tell...I am not old fashioned when it comes to that stuff. I think the big surprise is the health of the child...this whole baby was a surprise so enough about that.
Here are the birth details...I always want to know how long, how painful so if you are like me here is the ins and outs of it...
I went in a 5am. They did all the paperwork, I got to put on the lovely hospital gown- which I might ask...why have they made no improvements to hospital gowns in the last 50 years?!?!? Bill and I were wondering that. They are ugly, one size fits no one, unflattering and it seems no one has tried to improve them EVER!!!
So they start my pitocin around 5:30 or 5:45 I don't remember. I know that they turned down the lights and left me alone for like an hour and 1/2. Bill fell asleep and thank goodness...Beth woke up to talk to me. There is all that adrenaline and they are like try to get some rest...ugh right.
So around 7:30 Dr. Hepfer breaks my water. I know that the pain of all pains began soon after...I knew it would, but I had forgotten what exactly that pain felt like. On a pain scale I always think of like a gun shot wound being a 10....or having a foot ran over by a car or something. But this was pretty high up there...not like I remembered with Betsy. Pitocin is no joke!!! So I was sort of set on no meds, cause I tend to get spinal headaches...but I had the best nurse anesthetists named Mike who put the epidural in my L2/L3 area of my spine and kept it away from my "problem areas". Which I might say WORKED!!! No spinal headaches- so far so good!!!
I had a few visitors (love ya Mrs. Gaymon and Mrs. Smith!!!) then the next thing you know the nurse checked me and said Abby was crowning. The dr came in and Hannah my nurse asked if she should break the bed down and Dr. Hepfer said there wasn't time...so 3 pushes and Abby was on my chest staring up at her mamma!! I cannot explain the love I have felt for my children the moment that I see them.
I didn't want to give Abby up to the nurses. I just wanted to stay in that moment forever...well actually there is a lot going on at that moment that I was happy to see end- if you have had a baby you feel me!!!
It was a fantastic experience, perfect if I can say that. I am so happy with my decision for pain medicine...happy that I had my child at Tuomey, happy that I got to deliver with Dr. Hepfer....the list goes on and on. My nurses were simply wonderful and I can't say enough about this awesome experience! It was a pleasure, to say the least.
Abby has been a wonderful baby. We have had our ups and downs with gas and those sorts of newborn issues...but other than that I could stare at her and smell her for ions. I am completely enamored and in love with this baby. I wasn't looking forward to the baby thing again- to be completely honest with you. I was scared to enter into this again. We were at -what I thought was- a perfect place in our lives. Toddlers- fairly independent- ready to travel the US with us...
But God's plan is perfect and he was ready for me to do the whole projectile bowel movements, and spit up and nursing....the list goes on.
What a fantastic surprise this has been!!!
I wish I could say I waited for God...I do, but with modern medicine it was really nice to know when it would happen, have my kiddos taken care of and my bags packed etc.
I hate surprises, dont' know if I have ever mentioned that on here...but I do. Be it Christmas, or birthdays or whatever, I just don't get into being surprised. I want to know the sex of my baby as soon as they can tell...I am not old fashioned when it comes to that stuff. I think the big surprise is the health of the child...this whole baby was a surprise so enough about that.
Here are the birth details...I always want to know how long, how painful so if you are like me here is the ins and outs of it...
I went in a 5am. They did all the paperwork, I got to put on the lovely hospital gown- which I might ask...why have they made no improvements to hospital gowns in the last 50 years?!?!? Bill and I were wondering that. They are ugly, one size fits no one, unflattering and it seems no one has tried to improve them EVER!!!
So they start my pitocin around 5:30 or 5:45 I don't remember. I know that they turned down the lights and left me alone for like an hour and 1/2. Bill fell asleep and thank goodness...Beth woke up to talk to me. There is all that adrenaline and they are like try to get some rest...ugh right.
So around 7:30 Dr. Hepfer breaks my water. I know that the pain of all pains began soon after...I knew it would, but I had forgotten what exactly that pain felt like. On a pain scale I always think of like a gun shot wound being a 10....or having a foot ran over by a car or something. But this was pretty high up there...not like I remembered with Betsy. Pitocin is no joke!!! So I was sort of set on no meds, cause I tend to get spinal headaches...but I had the best nurse anesthetists named Mike who put the epidural in my L2/L3 area of my spine and kept it away from my "problem areas". Which I might say WORKED!!! No spinal headaches- so far so good!!!
I had a few visitors (love ya Mrs. Gaymon and Mrs. Smith!!!) then the next thing you know the nurse checked me and said Abby was crowning. The dr came in and Hannah my nurse asked if she should break the bed down and Dr. Hepfer said there wasn't time...so 3 pushes and Abby was on my chest staring up at her mamma!! I cannot explain the love I have felt for my children the moment that I see them.
I didn't want to give Abby up to the nurses. I just wanted to stay in that moment forever...well actually there is a lot going on at that moment that I was happy to see end- if you have had a baby you feel me!!!
It was a fantastic experience, perfect if I can say that. I am so happy with my decision for pain medicine...happy that I had my child at Tuomey, happy that I got to deliver with Dr. Hepfer....the list goes on and on. My nurses were simply wonderful and I can't say enough about this awesome experience! It was a pleasure, to say the least.
Abby has been a wonderful baby. We have had our ups and downs with gas and those sorts of newborn issues...but other than that I could stare at her and smell her for ions. I am completely enamored and in love with this baby. I wasn't looking forward to the baby thing again- to be completely honest with you. I was scared to enter into this again. We were at -what I thought was- a perfect place in our lives. Toddlers- fairly independent- ready to travel the US with us...
But God's plan is perfect and he was ready for me to do the whole projectile bowel movements, and spit up and nursing....the list goes on.
What a fantastic surprise this has been!!!
2 comments so far
Cristy Cross says:
Congratulations on your new little precious baby. I love the hat too. She is adorable.
(09.03.09 @ 10:10 PM)
Jennifer Young says:
She is beautiful! CONGRATULATIONS! I love the pics....as usual!!!
(09.04.09 @ 04:27 PM)
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Abby Mae
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Oh Ashley, I am so sorry to hear this but at the same time I celebrate with you all the wonderful memories you have of him. Both my grandpas are gone and I miss them dearly but I have wonderful memories of them while growing up and I know they had a big influence over the woman I am today. May Grandpa Cecil rest in peace. I will keep your family in my prayers!
(10.21.09 @ 11:40 AM)I am so sorry to hear of your lost. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
(10.21.09 @ 12:00 PM)I'm sorry, Ashley. I know how hard it is to lose someone that you love dearly. Understand that God does not make mistakes and will never give us more than we can bear. Your grandfather is in a much better place now and looks down on you every second of the day. I'm praying for you and your family.
(10.21.09 @ 01:09 PM)Thinking about you.... :(
(10.22.09 @ 09:09 AM)Oh, I'm so sorry! We just lost a grandmother this past weekend so I will keep you in my prayers as well.
(10.22.09 @ 10:11 AM)