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So this is a place I rant and rave, wear my heart on my sleeve, gush on my family, and most importantly share my art...the photo stories of wonderful couples and people I cross paths with. Don't be afraid to bookmark it, or leave a comment. I love hearing from everyone and anyone. Check back frequently...I will try to keep you updated.
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We are on our annual family vacation, minus one huge part of my family. I don't know how women do it, the ones that choose or end up as single mothers. I have to admit I kinda feel cah-ray-zee after only a few days of all kids, all the time + sand + sleeping in a bed with all my children + up at dawn + allergies + being on vacay without my bff. Maybe I am hormonal, or maybe I am not...but I start to resent the military for making us endure this. Why so stinking long? Why so many months? I don't want to hear the military answers. They can come tuck my kids into bed and explain what is taking so long. When is uncle Sam going to come babysit? Let him be the solo disciplinarian...btw, I know the Army is gone way longer...and I feel really bad for them...but his is my vent, this is my pitty party.
The part I hate the most is that Bill and I can only talk at the most inopportune times. Our schedules and time zones are so off, that I feel someone is always being spanked or in time out or having a meltdown at the exact moment he calls. I can't seem to give him the attention he deserves, and it makes me feel horrible. For this my sweet husband, I can't apologize enough. I am so sorry.
So I am a huge downer on this gorgeous Wednesday. The birthday of my baby girl.
A year ago today I was recovering from the easiest delivery that ever maybe was. Easy for me, for her and my doctor...Abby Mae has brought me light and laughs and joy beyond belief. I need to sit back, count my blessings and get on over this pitty party.
My husband will be home in about 50 days...Good things are coming, good things are here.
I just had to vent, to anyone that is listening. Tonight is my night to cook. We are going to have a gluten free, nut free bday cake that will probably be scoffed at and taste horrible...My baby girl is allergic to everything, poor thing. That which doesn't give us hives, makes us stronger.
photos by my girl bff beth caporaletti. She is my air ;)
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me without you + the anniversary of sweet Abby's birth
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So my good friend Dargan told me that life is a bunch of seasons...and she is right.
This season for us has been turmoil, heartache, loneliness and sunshine. If that makes any sense.
Summer is my favorite time of year...and 5:00 is my favorite time of night. Summer is awesome...without explanation. 5:00 is awesome because that is when I could expect my favorite man to come walking through the door...or at least to call me and let me know he was comin' home to me. I used to look forward to that time of day, every day.
They say live day to day...well I live by the hour lately. I live in three-hour increments for instance, today we did
(1) breakfast/pay sales tax/daddy called/Abby napping
(2)then doing lunch/kids watching a movie so I can pour my heart out to my blog/catch up on orders and emails
(3)then off to the pool. The pool will be a three hour tour so to speak...then the last three hours will be the gym...and supper.
Then the last 3 hours of the day will be me making popcorn/editing/catching up on emails/sleeping/chatting with my mom (on ichat or phone) and sister.
And in between I have to water the garden, clean up dishes, change diapers, wipe bottoms, feel sorry for myself (just kidding), thank the sweet Lord Jesus that I have a husband that is coming home and kids that are healthy and listen 8 out of 10 times when I speak to them. That number is an estimate...a generality if you will...but they are pretty good ;)
I saw an old friend in Illinois around the 4th of July...Independence Day (Mom gets annoyed when people call it the 4th because it takes the meaning away) So on the weekend of our fantastic Independence, I saw a friend and we were talking about how we were, etc. I said my usual...I am "missing Billy" She was telling me about when she lost her husband. I will never forget when I got the news. I was in Iraq...in one of Saddam's palace bathrooms in Baghdad when I got the news about the accident. I remember falling to the floor and crying for her...for what she was possibly feeling or going through.
She then said "remember this, at least you get to talk to him again...I remember thinking, I will never get to talk to him again." And with that it was like i was punched in the gut...I felt so horrible and sorry for everyone that won't have a homecoming or a happily ever after. This seven months is not that bad...get outta yourself Ashley...this will pass. She was so right.
So a happy, sad, extrospective (is that a word?) thought for my Tuesday. Shannon I love you so much...thank you for helping me see past myself and my three hour time blocks. Life for me will go on...so happy your life has gone on too. You are my hero, with your beautiful kids and life and spirit.
This season for us has been turmoil, heartache, loneliness and sunshine. If that makes any sense.
Summer is my favorite time of year...and 5:00 is my favorite time of night. Summer is awesome...without explanation. 5:00 is awesome because that is when I could expect my favorite man to come walking through the door...or at least to call me and let me know he was comin' home to me. I used to look forward to that time of day, every day.
They say live day to day...well I live by the hour lately. I live in three-hour increments for instance, today we did
(1) breakfast/pay sales tax/daddy called/Abby napping
(2)then doing lunch/kids watching a movie so I can pour my heart out to my blog/catch up on orders and emails
(3)then off to the pool. The pool will be a three hour tour so to speak...then the last three hours will be the gym...and supper.
Then the last 3 hours of the day will be me making popcorn/editing/catching up on emails/sleeping/chatting with my mom (on ichat or phone) and sister.
And in between I have to water the garden, clean up dishes, change diapers, wipe bottoms, feel sorry for myself (just kidding), thank the sweet Lord Jesus that I have a husband that is coming home and kids that are healthy and listen 8 out of 10 times when I speak to them. That number is an estimate...a generality if you will...but they are pretty good ;)
I saw an old friend in Illinois around the 4th of July...Independence Day (Mom gets annoyed when people call it the 4th because it takes the meaning away) So on the weekend of our fantastic Independence, I saw a friend and we were talking about how we were, etc. I said my usual...I am "missing Billy" She was telling me about when she lost her husband. I will never forget when I got the news. I was in Iraq...in one of Saddam's palace bathrooms in Baghdad when I got the news about the accident. I remember falling to the floor and crying for her...for what she was possibly feeling or going through.
She then said "remember this, at least you get to talk to him again...I remember thinking, I will never get to talk to him again." And with that it was like i was punched in the gut...I felt so horrible and sorry for everyone that won't have a homecoming or a happily ever after. This seven months is not that bad...get outta yourself Ashley...this will pass. She was so right.
So a happy, sad, extrospective (is that a word?) thought for my Tuesday. Shannon I love you so much...thank you for helping me see past myself and my three hour time blocks. Life for me will go on...so happy your life has gone on too. You are my hero, with your beautiful kids and life and spirit.
here is me and my girls, taken by Em
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Seasons
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So I am a single mom suddenly. Of three kids, that are four and under, to be exact. Bill left for Afghanistan about a week ago and will be gone until October. His absence is obvious everywhere. I can't imagine losing a spouse. I don't know how I could go on...I bury my face in his clothes that are still in the laundry room...because I don't want to wash his smell out of my life right now. I touch all the silly stuff that has collected on his dresser. I look through the stacks of Jegs and his high rider and truck magazines...and wonder honestly why there are barely dressed women hanging on most of the vehicles when most of these are "how to" articles.
I never knew what it meant to have three kids, or to be alone with three kids. I have my sister here to help, thank the sweet Lord Jesus, but she has a social life and a part time job. Every moment is busy, from wiping booties to changing diapers to answering questions about why Jesus had to die on the cross. I don't know how Army wives do it, when their husbands leave for 18 months or longer. I am in awe of them and their tenacity.
This year so many things have become clear to me. I love my business, like live and breathe it. Like have to remember to put my family first most days because I can get overwhelmed by it all and up to my eyeballs in it all. ...everywhere I look I see pictures and light and how it falls and how I would place a subject if this were a portrait, not just my backyard or whatever. I also love my kids, like can't-believe-a-girl like me-got-super-great-kids-and-the sweetest, kindest, sincerest, most gorgeous and charming husband- when-I-was such a crazy and rebellious person, up until I met him. I don't think you can even use dashes and commas like that, but this is my blog and I don't really care, I am writing sort of phonetically or how I would talk...
So if you see where I am going with this, sometimes my life is a huge conflict of interests. I want to be super duper successful and over the top with it all...but at the same time I want to be this mom that like makes everything from scratch and fill my children with life lessons and knowledge and uses everyday to paint and color and learn and count...etc.
Will all that being said...this year I am doing an organic garden, with chicken poo and earthworms and tons and tons of stuff that I will probably totally mess up, but it will be a messy fun adventure as we mess it up...
I am going to try to balance my passion with my life and vice versa. Oh wow this has new year's resolution written all over it...
I want to travel a little more, enjoy family a little more and dig down and shoot some of the best darned pictures that I can. I promise to pour myself into your sessions, into your weddings and into your albums...this year I want to shock myself with my own creativity. I want to shoot every wedding like it was my own, or what I wish my own would have been. I want to pray more, live more, be more, cook more, shoot more, enjoy more, hug more, laugh more, watch more chick flicks, get to know my children more, my sister more, my neighbors more...learn to ride a riding mower, learn to compost like a fool...big year ahead. I want to argue about politics more...okay the last one is a complete fabrication. That is one thing I am going to none of, you heard it here! I will watch the news less and pray more, if I do anything.
Here are photos from an overnighter we just had this week with my sweet Beth, which we really needed! She always captures my children in such a beautiful way. Our children say they think they are siblings from another mother, and they are right. I love you Beth!
I never knew what it meant to have three kids, or to be alone with three kids. I have my sister here to help, thank the sweet Lord Jesus, but she has a social life and a part time job. Every moment is busy, from wiping booties to changing diapers to answering questions about why Jesus had to die on the cross. I don't know how Army wives do it, when their husbands leave for 18 months or longer. I am in awe of them and their tenacity.
This year so many things have become clear to me. I love my business, like live and breathe it. Like have to remember to put my family first most days because I can get overwhelmed by it all and up to my eyeballs in it all. ...everywhere I look I see pictures and light and how it falls and how I would place a subject if this were a portrait, not just my backyard or whatever. I also love my kids, like can't-believe-a-girl like me-got-super-great-kids-and-the sweetest, kindest, sincerest, most gorgeous and charming husband- when-I-was such a crazy and rebellious person, up until I met him. I don't think you can even use dashes and commas like that, but this is my blog and I don't really care, I am writing sort of phonetically or how I would talk...
So if you see where I am going with this, sometimes my life is a huge conflict of interests. I want to be super duper successful and over the top with it all...but at the same time I want to be this mom that like makes everything from scratch and fill my children with life lessons and knowledge and uses everyday to paint and color and learn and count...etc.
Will all that being said...this year I am doing an organic garden, with chicken poo and earthworms and tons and tons of stuff that I will probably totally mess up, but it will be a messy fun adventure as we mess it up...
I am going to try to balance my passion with my life and vice versa. Oh wow this has new year's resolution written all over it...
I want to travel a little more, enjoy family a little more and dig down and shoot some of the best darned pictures that I can. I promise to pour myself into your sessions, into your weddings and into your albums...this year I want to shock myself with my own creativity. I want to shoot every wedding like it was my own, or what I wish my own would have been. I want to pray more, live more, be more, cook more, shoot more, enjoy more, hug more, laugh more, watch more chick flicks, get to know my children more, my sister more, my neighbors more...learn to ride a riding mower, learn to compost like a fool...big year ahead. I want to argue about politics more...okay the last one is a complete fabrication. That is one thing I am going to none of, you heard it here! I will watch the news less and pray more, if I do anything.
Here are photos from an overnighter we just had this week with my sweet Beth, which we really needed! She always captures my children in such a beautiful way. Our children say they think they are siblings from another mother, and they are right. I love you Beth!
4 comments so far
Brenda says:
Ashley, I was wondering if Bill left already, the separation is tough but I can't even begin to imagine how it must be with 3 beautiful kids. God works in mysterious (and awesome) ways and Shane and I are in the same place in Baghdad, I will email you with more info. In the meantime, hang in there girl, you're doing awesome!!!
(04.04.10 @ 04:39 AM)
Hilary Roe Stover says:
Ashley, you inspire me. :-) You're an amazing mom, wife... and absolutely phenomenal photographer. :-) Hang in there. Enjoy this... your rebellious years may just help you out right now. You learned how to do things your own way... and now you can near-perfect those qualities! :-)
(04.04.10 @ 11:19 AM)
brantley freeman says:
I have absolute NO idea what you must be going through... but I can only imagine. I barely know you, but you are an incredible person from the outside! I love reading about all of the candid moments in your life and respect you so much for being so REAL! Take care and love on those absolute adorable kids of yours! Wish you the very best!
(04.05.10 @ 09:48 AM)
Anonymous says:
thank you for everybody that read this. I was sort of just venting and putting out there how I felt right now. So many times you have no idea what people feel about hard situations in their life...and so here is how I feel. I appreciate all the support and encouragement, I really do. God is Good!!!
(04.08.10 @ 09:32 AM)
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being a single mom
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